being a possiblist

April 2010 Promo: Click Here To Download

2010-04-27T22:28:00.000-07:00

2010-03-12T16:45:00.001-08:00

IT'S DJ NABILA NOW!

2009-12-08T23:19:00.000-08:00

First, there were just the candies. Soon, the art of mixing candies became a serious craft and eventually there was a cube to keep things in good shape. It is only natural that the hands that dispense the candies from the cube needed an iconic name to represent. The name, hence, became CandyQube - a name that will soon become an urban legend.

Now, why the name CandyQube is an urban legend is due to the fact that, when more unfamiliar souls appeared at random, the good vibe was injected with little drops of toxic. Eventually, CandyQube disappeared into the music, her known sanctuary.

Legend has it that when CandyQube escaped into the music, it was spinning so much that it evolved into the form of a DJ. Some has reported occasional sightings of CandyQube but these reports are hearsay, as Facebook pictures tagged with her name will show no CandyQube in sight. It could be bizarre mind fuck. But the mystery of it all makes the story of CandyQube a great story to tell, and to know. Because life is a box of candies; you’ll never know what you’ll get. CandyQube would have wanted us all to believe in possibilities.

wishlist

2009-04-01T00:26:00.000-07:00

I dont normally do wishlist but this year, as few people requested, therefore this list is born. But this one is dedicated especially to my mister man and lovely sis! :P

So here you go;

1. I desperately need a new phone and this is what I've been scanning with my little eyes.. :)

2. It's time to find a best friend for my D60. This would definitely make D60 happy!!

3. This is something different. Something for the brain.. Original please?

4. Ear candy!!

5. Hmmm.. maybe something like this would look a bit more stylish walking into a meeting compared to good old crumpler. ;)

What else?

Actually.. to be honest, as long as you guys are there to celebrate my 26th, that would be the perfect gift!! Love you!!

babies are such a nice way to start people

2008-07-22T12:50:00.000-07:00

Today Eva's 20weeks!! Time passed by so quickly it's scary.. At times, I wish I have the ability to stop time, or even make it go slower..I wanna spend more quality time with her, to see her grow, to see her showing off her new skill she discovers everyday..i dont wanna missed things that she does, like;

how contented she looked after feeding...

how she give us a "spongebob squarepant" look...

the way she yawns...

and how big she opens her mouth when she yawns...

the first time she lift up her head...

and the way she greets grand-aunty...

expressions from her face when she's dreaming

seeing her playing with "friends" in a car ride...

the way she strike a pose when taking a nap...

her playtime!

when she learns to lift her body up even higher...

and start grabbing her toys!!

the moment when she learns how to fly....

I wanna witness all these..I wanna be a part of it.. and I dont wanna miss a single thing..

Going Through Another Stage in Life

2008-03-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

We're planning for a natural birth but at 38weeks, doctor explained to us that Eva is weighing almost 3.5kg and the diameter of the head is around 9.7cm! Our doctor advised us to have an induction, but i heard that to inducing will cause the pain doubled!! So we said no and opt for the nature call - altho doctor did mentioned that the percentage of giving birth naturally is quite low. : (

March 1, 08 @ 9.30am - Contraction Begins! We rushed to the hospital, the nurses put me on the this thing called CTG (Cardiotocograph) for monitoring baby's heart. After an hour of monitoring, the doctor came in and checked. And guess what?

FALSE ALARM!! (wtf?)

March 2, 08 @ 9pm - The contractions felt stronger, but we didnt wanna go to the hospital cos there's no sign of "true" labour just yet. Imagine if we go again, sure kena pay another extra hundreds - just for FALSE LABOUR?? No way man.. so we waited, in pain.. *sobz* (around midnight we went to Kg. Baru for nasi lemak. hehhe)

March 4, 08 @ 8am - Something's telling me that this is the real thing. Although the "signs" aren't here yet but somehow i knew.. so I asked darlingFazral to get ready and head to the hospital.

930am - True enough and finally, I'm in labour!! Yeay!

11am - I was being sent to the labour room, there, the nurses put me on drips, and then, half and hour later, they break my water bag! After a while, they gimme this jab and it makes me dizzy, I was indeed, flying in my dreamworld.. heh!

1pm - Doctor came in, checked and said I was on 4cm but not really dilated.. So if by 6pm and there's no progress, she'll wanna do a C-Section. *damn!!*

4pm - The pain was unbearable!! I was on the gas and it doesnt help AT ALL!!! The nurses checked on me again and u know what she said? "Girl, your still at 4cm Lah!" And I was like, "huh?! You must be kidding man!!" So I discussed with darlingFazral, and we agreed to go for C-Sec since nothing can guarantee us that the baby will come by 6pm. : (

eva & daddy - 2nd day

going home!

eva in her bassinet - first night at home (read: nightmare for us!)

being mommy!

2008-03-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

finally! our lil bundle of joy is here!

world, let's welcome Eva Xafira Elme.

yes, i admit that i've been very lazy to update this blog (eversince my wedding!) but i guess that it's time to "show-off" what god have created for us.. =)

so strong it's tearing me apart

2007-06-21T00:34:00.000-07:00

just a word
just one smile
just a move
just one wish
make my dream
your reality
make my name
the one you cry for
let our love
freeze the time
let our love
be a commitment
but hold on
the future is unclear
the path ahead is unknown
hold my hand
hold me tight
let me know you care
stay by my side
and show me the way

suckiest party ever!

2007-06-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

darn swear i was excited about this event like a week before and praying so hard that i dont have any last minute job that i'll probably miss this event like how i missed the one at kl tower. yes, i missed yoji!! laugh as hard as you want, thanks to elme for that birthday wish! urgh!

right, let's talk about the suckiest party ever held in kl so far.

first of all, the entrance and exit was very badly organized. we were just queing but we had no idea where the entrance is!? so the boys went to check it out and half and hour later, they called us and we head right to the entrance and squeeze ourselves in. well, lucky we did altho we had to rub shoulders with those sweaty strangers. eww! see.. the security was so bad that we can just squeeze in just like that *snap fingers* underaged kids were all over the place, mat and minah ramp-it!'s, not to forget the ah bengs and ah lians!! and they call this a rave??!? hmm.. no one check our i.ds, no one check our bags, no body checks??? my god! osama could've be there and bomb the whole place man.. (erk!)

i was hoping to see some super cool uv lights presentaion or some sort but, to my disappointment, there isnt any?!? i kept saying to elme over and over again -

"such a disappointment!, what a badly organized party? tsk tsk"

until we finally "found" the entrance to the main arena! there's no signboards, no nothing! like how adi will put it; can you bear?? so as usual, like what we normally first do before we head to the crowd, we went to redeem our drinks. guess what? it was not even midnight yet and we were told that they ran out of beers?? and another fella told us that they dont sell beer until 12am? do they even talk to each other?? so we head straight to the front, just to go back later to redeem our drinks. (read: the only booth)

the music was good but the crowd was just soooo wrong! it was freaking hot and stuffy and we cant even move our body to the pumping music!! i just stood there, looking at the HEADS in front of me!! i can only get to see the djs clearly over the projected screen.. yea shorty as i am.. =(

later, around 1am i was (i bet everyone was) dying for a drink so i forced vic to go get mine when i heard he's goin to get his. i waited and waited.. 45mins later he came back! like finally!! BUT

me: dude, where's my beer????
vic: they ran out of beer man..
me: wtf????????? (holding that bloody warm SPRITE) (??!!!)

it was a MAJOR turn off okay??

then, this guy appeared in front of us and asking who wants beer. i so wanna take one but i dunno him. *slam head on the wall* so i let it slide. apparently, he's vic's fren! urgh! *bangs head on the table*

oh oh! i forgot to tell the suckiestest part - when mr. benny was about to start (i think i only hear 8 beats) their system blew-off!! and they took like 10mins to fix the whatever technical problem they were facing?! ooooooooouuuuuhhh..... boooohoooo!!!!

i seriously didnt enjoy that night. AT ALL. from the entrance to exit, i keep taking points away!!! nothing for me to "WOW" about that night. but i can say the 'graffiti" projection on the wall was nice. other than that, it was a flop!! BIG TIME!!

gosh! i miss regenerate!! urgh! the more i think about this event, the more mad i am cos i bloody bought the ticket for 45bucks, the more my fire go up my mind, i can die!!

dy's birthday

2007-06-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

it's not that hard to organize this party for my little 'giant' sister.. just an sms blast and everyone came in RED - her favorite color! many thanks to jacq for the thought of having balloons to fill up the room. really makes a lot of difference! but the boys were extra creative! (give the boys 2 balloons, what you think they'll do with it? so sorry guys, i cant load up those censored pics) party started as soon as the birthday girl arrives.. that's probably past 12am already.. but it's only friday! who cares?!

dy was surprised by the present that fell right on top of her lap while she was in the middle of conversation with man. yup, i got her this. heheh.. she also got films from dave, don and poon. what a great idea right? :) and she also received a red t-shirt that says - "i am not a morning person, but i just love morning class!" i bet that's her best bday celebration so far.. we'll make it even better next year sis!! muah!

now, do have a look at those delicious pictures that we took using the lomo cam here.

cheers!

beach, bikini & bali!!

2007-06-04T18:49:00.000-07:00

check this out!

a different point of view now..

2007-05-24T05:47:00.000-07:00

desmond brought home his girlfriend for dy's birthday dinner yesterday.. i dont know what to say, i mean, i dont mind him having a girlfriend at the age of 19.. the thing is, she's 22.. and and and.. she's a malay!! oh my.. when dy told mom about this, her reaction was like - "please tell your brother, i dont want another one like your big sister". im like wtf??

ok, to be honest, the moment i saw them when i picked them up from the lrt station, my heart sank i little.. i dont know why.. suddenly i became like how my parents were when they knew i was goin out with fazral.. i dont really like it and i felt like asking him to just break it up with that girl. but i kept quite, i just continue driving..

when we reached home, i went straight to the kitchen.. i saw her went into "my" room (since i dont go home so often nowadays, it became desmond's room cos tony took over his room,yea it's quite complicated i know.. but i still call his room my room! yea call me selfish or whatever you want.) i told desmond, "ask your gf to come out and lepak outside. dont sit in the room" then he went off. saying nothing. there. in front of the fridge, with the cake still in my hand, i stood there struck speechless for a second. what did i just said?? those words are exactly what my parents said to me when i was younger, when i think it's ok for my friends or boyfriend to lepak in my room and all.. but that night, i see it in a different way.. i dont know why.

teach me how to speak, will ya?

2007-05-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

i was on my way to work this morning, and i heard this radio ad for visit malaysia year 2007 [vmy07]. it's about this group of friends [read: malaysians], planning to go on a holiday in malaysia. but they dont know where to go as they're not familiar even with the famous vacation spots in malaysia. so this particular character asks, "so where'd you guys normally go for holiday??" australia! london! bali! they answered. so this character points out that it's vmy07 and we malaysians are supposed to spend our holiday in malaysia, yada yada yada... and wait a minute. it's a really nice ad and message is clear. but one thing is bothering me! and this thing is the only thing that i hate most, that turn me off if i ever find it in an advert.
THE ACCENT! WHY MUST THEY SPEAK ENGLISH WITH THOSE MALAY ACCENT? I JUST DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND!? no offense, not only malay accent i hear, there's also a chinese ah lian speaking in english in other ads.

hello!!? it's vmy07 right? which means there's foreigners around right? urgh!! i just think it sucks when people speaks that way especially on radio/tv. i mean im not good in english, my grammar sucks - big time, my accent - not british, not american either. neither do i speak english in malay or chinese accent. so what is wrong with me? nothing. but i think something is really wrong with those media people. why? cos im NOT talking to the whole malaysia man.. it's like they're so proud that their ads speaking in those accent. and believe me, ppl will somehow follow.. u know what i mean? sad sad sad!! and heck, if you're so proud with those malay/chinese ah lian accent, why not just make a bahasa or a mandarin ad?!! uuuurrrgggghhhhh!!!!

btw, im just thinking, has anyone heard of any bahasa or chinse ads on hitz.fm or mix fm before? i dont think so. i wonder why..

i dont know. i dont know what to say anymore.

living in the white limbo

2007-05-11T21:19:00.000-07:00

im freakin' bored right now and i really dunno what to do and what to write.. everyone seems to be busy with work, or busy playing ps2 at home. grrr! why do i have to sit here mondays to fridays for at least 6 hours, doing nothing but go online, checking emails, find out things i want to know or rather not knowing over the net, downloading songs i dont wanna hear, doing those admin stuffs that i hated most, when all i can do is go out of here and do things i love most? argh!

i've been asking myself this question for more than 3 months now.. im not so sure whether i shud leave or stay.. i like it here very much actually, but at the same time it's killing me softly! im confused! again!! *sobz*

---

oh! it's 18days to paradise.. i cant wait!! it's gonna be the first-long holiday break in 3 years! [read: bali baby!] leave apllication been approved, flight and accomodation been booked, shopping - done!! it's been so long since our last holiday.. the only difference this time is, elme's parents and sister will be on this trip together.. hmm.. well i think it'd be kinda cute. i hope. :p

---

mom called the other day, asking whether i need anything 'small' from her cos her friend is coming back to kl. i told her not to waste money on unneccesary stuffs for us here, but guess what she already bought that gift already! sigh.. and she also told me that day, that we have to take life easily, and live it to the fullest. she told me the reason why her friend is coming back to kl - mom's friend was on the phone with her dad at 6pm [local time] and 3 hours later, she got a call from her relative, past belief - her father passed away.. life is unpredictable.. you never know when it ends..

---

unconditional love

2007-03-14T17:05:00.000-07:00

something from mom..

when you were born,
i held you in my arms
and just kept smiling at you..
you always smiled back
your big eyes wide open, full of love..
you were such a beautiful
good, sweet baby..
now as i watch you grow up
and become your own person,
i look at you
your laughter, your happiness
your simplicity..
and i want to tell you that i am so proud of you
and i dearly love you..

being an auntie???

2007-03-05T20:28:00.000-08:00

it's the last day of cny last sunday, went home for dinner and then, donut suggested that i should try/learn how to play mah jong.. so i did, it's quite fun and need alot of brain work! being so bad at all these [i suck big time in gambling, cos i want to] it took me about an hour only to get the idea of how things actually works! -_-" i know.. and when i mentioned to my friends that i finally know how to play the mah jong, they were like "so auntie la u.." / "yer, u play mah jong ar auntie??" / "dun start to become an auntie can or not?!" well, what's wrong with playing mah jong??

a birthday splash for my mista-man!!!

2007-01-29T01:11:00.000-08:00

this post sits in my draft for almost 3 weeks! finally got time to post it up.. =p

sigh.. back to reality again... =(

really enjoyed myself the past weekend, it was elme's birthday.. the best birthday party so far! hope we can make it even better next year!! =) me & jase started our prep on thursday night - went to tesco for all whatever we need for the bbq party, buy present, etc.. thanks jase!!! dunno whether it will happen without you!! thanks bro!!! *hug hug*

although he [fazral] knew about the credit card, it doesnt stop me from surprising him! *thanks to jase again! for the naughty brilliant idea!* went to jase's on friday noon to learn how to marinate the chicken & lamb.. hehhe! here's how you do it!

[more moments here]

when the clock striked 12, we're still at home, taking our own sweet time while the rest of the cadets are already waiting for us at kai's.. since i left his 1st pressie in jase's car, i apologize to him saying that i dun have time to buy his pressie as we're busy prepping for the bbq, and promise that we'll go buy his pressie together. *winks*

and off we go to kai's for our journey to "tripping hill"

when we reached kai's, i gave him his 1st pressie [which i bought last minute at the curve] from his face, i think he looked disappointed [that's the whole purpose!] but still put a smile on his face and said that he's "surprised" hmph! ego... nvm, cos i got a REAL surprise for him later on! u wait!!! cos me & jase tot that since he knew i got my credit card, he might expect something 'big' kan? hehhe!

at about 5am, we surprised him with the 2nd gift! when jase actually turned and pass him the box, he was DAMN shocked/surprised/smacked!

six years of relationship, he always ruin the surprises... he always sibuk to find out what im up to.. FINALLY, I SURPRISED HIM!!! YES!!! yay!!

psst! you wouldnt know how happy i was, and still am!!

cadets, thanks for making it happen.. together!! love you crackers!! muacks!

twozerozeroseven - part 2

2007-01-11T03:33:00.000-08:00

day 3 - new year's eve party @ [the carnival]

it was a last minute plan for malacca, but it's worth the trip! non of us have any info abt this event, no flyers, no tickets yet, what we know is that bassagents will be taking us to another year. so we went passed the event venue. we saw alot of aunties and uncles with kids/babies outside the entrance so we tot it's really a carnival until uncle jeff told us that THAT it is!

it looks more like a small gathering this time, doesnt look like our usual massive celebration for new year. but it's fun! no weird smell, we had our own space, no sticky sticky body that accidetally touch you cos it's spacious! =) at about 2am we headed back to kl, to the best ever place that i call "reban-ayam" [kai's reban]

jase call it awesome, but i'd say ultimate! we [both me and jase] experienced something far away from what we've ever expected/experience. it's very spritually fulfilling to be in a realm that two person share at the same time! amazing isnt it? that will be something that i will treasure forever. =)

day 4 - **recovery day**

[music on air]
mysterons, portishead

[current mood]
annoyed [cos i might not be able to take leave on elme's b'day!]

[quote of the day]
buckle up for safety.

[next station]
VHQ

twozerozeroseven

2007-01-04T20:59:00.000-08:00

this year's celebration was wonderful!! it's all about party party and more parties!!! started on thursday night, continue again on friday night at velocity, then headed to the khai's, continue til mornin again, work 3 hours on satrurday and had dinner with dad at TEMPTations, and continue our journey to malacca on sunday night. party ended on monday night. what a life??!!

let’s break it down;

day 1 - friday night at [velocity], held at the surf pool in sunway lagoon.

it was a last minute plan.. i was actually shooting that evening when elme called and suggested that we go. reached there at midnight and we gotta walk for about 5 mins until we were told by the parking guys that they actually provide shutter bus [mini bus] we got impatient after 5mins of waiting and we decided to take a cab. cost us 5bucks for a less-than-5mins-ride. -_-:
this is like the 1st time ever that we bought our own tickets for party! sigh… anyways, as we’re getting down the escalator, we saw a guy got hand cuffed and he looked real high.. what a bad trip huh.. kesian.. he cant even stand still on his legs!

here we are, at the surf pool area… didn’t know that it was a “beach party”! no wonder all the girls were in bikinis… joined mandy & tek nam after a while, got a boost and there… a journey to pluto begins… =)

click here for snapshots and see what we've found!!!

day 2 – a nice buffet dinner with daddy at TEMPTations

the food was good, lot’s of varieties, ambience was ok, and what’s so great about this gathering? having to spend quality time with my loved ones, [and donut’s besties] and only costs us about 40bucks/pax! great deal!

ok gotta continue work now! more updates on day 3 and 4!

[music on air]
-

[current mood]
kepala pusing

[quote of the day]
-

[next station]
workstation.

how soon is now?

2006-12-26T04:48:00.000-08:00

christmas is over, but donut's pressie is STILL with me!! hmph!

these days, celebrating christmas, new year, cny or any other festive seasons, arent the same anymore.. it wasnt the same since 5 years ago actually. werent the same since mum left.. come to think of her, celebrating alone, it must be heart-aching.. i wonder when will i see her again, hopefully soon, but how soon is soon? *gotta work extra hard then.. *

year is coming to an end, and as each year passes by, i would say.. 'time really flies!' and what have i done so far? dunno.. eventho i felt happier now, working in production especially, i got more "time" for myself, can eat a proper lunch and dinner now, but still not enough time for my family.. everyday, i will remind myself that i should see dad more, talk more to gramma and grampa, spend more time with sis and bro, but end up.. none. yes, may be new year's resolution will be this. =)

[music on air]
time is running out - muse

[current mood]
-

[quote of the day]
there's nothing good or bad, only thinking makes it so.

[next station]
pick up elme from work and go straight home.

more than important

2006-12-23T07:26:00.001-08:00

mom sent a package back about 2 weeks ago but got stuck in the custom office. got denise to collect it and got taxed for 130bucks! and in this package i found something that is far more important than the little coach-coin-holder-with-key-chain' that mom gave. here it is...

Know this my children,
As a parent, there is not a more genuine or important message I have to offer…

I love you and have always loved you. I have tried to show you by my words and actions this love, but realize I may have fallen short of this goal at times.

To the best of my ability, with the work of my body, the limits of my mind, and the strength of my soul, I have tried to give you love, shelter and food. I have tried to give you as much of my time as possible in this hectic, hurried world. I have tried to give you fun and laughter.. I have tried to give you the safety and protection you have a right to and I have an obligation to give. I have tried to let you know about life’s unpleasantries without scaring you too much. I have tried to give you as much trust as possible in an apparently untrusting world.

In all my breaths, my true intention has never been to hurt you or bring you any unnecessary pain. I have tried to be to you the best parent I could with the tools given to me. I want you to know that for any times that I have hurt you, disappointed you, or let you down, knowingly or unknowingly, I am sorry. I am sorry for my shortcomings and the mistakes I made that caused you any pain. For this I ask your forgiveness, only when and if you are willing to give it.

Thank you for the pleasures and treasures you have given me, both deserved and not. There has never been anything you have done that has taken away my unconditional love for you. always and now, in my eyes, heart and soul, you are to me the most beautiful bud, the loveliest bloom, and the most perfect flower.

I have loved you from the day you were born… I love you with every breath you take… I will love you… forever.

Well, my children, hopefully all of you understand how I feel when I bought this card. There are more to be said than these but I know time will prove everthing. ~steven h. waller~

Lot’s of love,
Mum

[music on air]
deep inside, incubus

[current mood]
numb

[quote of the day]
I have loved you from the day you were born… I love you with every breath you take… I will love you… forever.

[next station]
dreamland

it's all about my work. and my tougue!

2006-11-22T01:18:00.000-08:00

:: two down, one more to go! yes, surprisingly we managed to produce 3 jobs in a month - with only 1 team. it's very very tiring but yet it's fun! imagine you're sitting right under the sun, creating a zebra crossing using black and white sticker, the wind was so strong that at times u almost lost balance. yes, that strong. and guess what, right after all your hard work under the sunny day, getting all tanned, [or should i say 'baked'?] just as you final touch up the set, the rain came like nobody's business, a storm!! *cry!* it almost ruin our shoot, but with the help of our "weather engineer", it stops after 5 mins and all of us, quickly mop the floor, wipe the cars and there we go! =) yet another challenging experience for the possiblist...

:: just came back from butterworth yesterday night, bringing back the freshly moulded chocolates, i felt like i was in the willy wonka and the chocolate factory movie minus the oompa-loompa! heh! i have wear this shower-cap, plastic to cover my shoe and glove before we go into the factory. the moment mr chew, the manager opens up the door, i can smell all chocolatey! finding the best looking chocolate aint easy, we need to get the ones with its surface untouched, no scratches, shiny and clean. unfortunately, they need to use their hand to get the chocolates out from the mould so out of 100, i think i only got 4-5 pieces that meets our requirements. after chosing the 'lucky ones' [all together about 100 pcs] we then carefully transfer them into pizza boxes that we brought, and then drive slowly back to kl, with air-con full blast so that we can keep up with the factory's temperature, which is pretty cold. mission - accomplished. =)

:: oh btw, i've decided to take out my tougue stud yesterday night, and it feels so weird right now, my tougue felt lighter and when i talk, i cant pronounce my words properly cos something is missing oredi.. but yea.. i will get used to it soon... =) probably will get my nose pierced soon.. hehhe...

[music on air]
perfect situation, weezer

[current mood]
frustrated [everyone's in prime minister's residence now shooting but me!!]

[quote of the day]
'hanging on hope in quiet desperation. for long u live and high u fly, and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry, and all you touch and all you see, is all your life will ever be'

[next station]
here at my workstation [yes, im a master on continuity in the office]

sometimes

2006-08-11T02:17:00.000-07:00

sometimes you have to run away,
just to see who will run after you;
somtimes you have to talk quitely,
just to see who's listening;
sometiimes you'll have to step up in a fight,
just to see who's standing by your side;
sometimes you have to let yourself fall,
just to see who's there to catch you;
sometimes you have to make a wrong decision,
just to see who's there to help you fix it;
and sometimes you have to let go of the one you love,
just to see they'll love you enough to come back.

time is running out

2006-06-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

caught up with my long-lost friend yesterday… it’s been a long… long time ever since we had our teh-o-ais together… i missed how we used o see each other EVERYDAY, how we used to annoy each other, laugh at each other’s joke, how I miserably easily learned ‘the-skill/art-of-liquid-dance’ from him [hiakhiakhiak]!!!

yea.. those were the days, when everything seems to be on my side, everything was so well ‘written’, everything’s just… beautiful. but somehow, these ‘perfect-moments’ have slipped away, like how the sands got washed away by the waves of the ocean, but to me, it’s more like how i got the sand out from my eye.

to become who we are, and to become who we are capable of becoming, is the only end in life. and if you can’t change fate, change your attitude! it is what i’ve done, words that i chose to pronounce, decisions that i’ve made, brought me here today, believing that life is just like a silver-screen. all of us, we’re the actors/actresses – indeed, we play our own main role/character, as we the center of everything that evolve around us – here. the locations that we chose to visit, sceneries were captured in one corner of our mind just like a wallpaper as our screensaver on our desktop. sounds were ‘recorded’ and just like what my friend charlotte has said in one of her post, every different song gives you a different feeling and it brings you back to that very moment you’ve experienced before. you may feel good about it, and at times, it will just f*ck your day up.

i believe that each and everyday that we’re going thru – even now, at this very moment – is reversed. whatever we say or do has already been said and done. it is funny when speaking thinking writing about this, i know…

i remember one night, about 4 or 5 years ago, i spent about an hour or so with a friend of mine, thinking about thinking, talking about what we have just talked about. and we came across this question, which i’d never thought anyone would even ask themselves about, since i was 12. [!?]

“why me?” i asked.

“what why you? now. why me?” my friend asked.

“i mean, why is it me. like why am i feeling what i feel, seeing what i see, hearing what i hear... u get me?”

“yea, i think so… it’s like a feeling u cant express, u cant explain why. u just need all these to survive.”

silence…

“i’d say… we’re all like batteries. we need these to generate the entire system that we’re living in. these means energy.” then, i smirked.

even though my question haven’t been answered [up til today] rest assured that when the day has come and it’s finally answered, i’m already running out of time. but weird enough, the answer to this question always differ when asked. may be it is meant to be this way, im not so sure… not too sure.

it might be you

2006-06-15T02:14:00.000-07:00

some people dont appreciate what u do.
some people dont realize how good they got it.
some people think they are always right and you are always wrong.
some people don't know how to hold their respect down for u like u do for them.
some people don't get everything through their head till its too late.
those people don't realize how short life is or can be.
and why people say to live it to the fullest.
and those people end up getting treated the way they're suppose to
where everything gets switched around and they're the ones that are hurting.
and if you are one of these people...
you wont believe this that you're reading right now.
the only thing you will believe is "it will never happen to me..."
..but just wait and see...

words unspoken

2006-06-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

it was true all along
you don't know what you got til its gone
i can't believe i let u go
i wanted me n u to grow
i had so much to tell u
no one can make me do the things u make me do
when I cried you were there
when I thought i was alone
you'd always say baby im here

you were the greatest thing that has ever happened to me
i'm sorry,cant you see?
i need your loving arms
i need your charm
in other words i need you
and i promise ill never hurt you
you're my babyboy
not my toy
but don't walk away
cause i have somethin to say

if you leave then that means my words are unspoken
and they say hearts are usually broken with words unspoken

i loved you once, but i hate you now..

2006-06-10T02:09:00.000-07:00

at times we were the best of friends, the worst of enemies and the greatest of lovers. we were made for each other you told me. we would always be together, you would always be by my side, to wipe away my tears when i cried.

at first i denied the fact that people as young as us could be in love. but then as the time we spent together increased, you showed me how wrong i was. i believed that you were someone that i would be willing to share the rest of my life with.

i slap myself now for being so clueless and for forgetting the most important lesson that my mother had always taught me, a guy would do and say anything to be your first, she was right.

i loved you once, but i hate you now, i will never forget how you used & treated me. but now as i look back, i have to thank you for showing me how wrong i was to love someone as useless like you. thank you.

first impression

2006-05-12T18:06:00.000-07:00

i look at the stars...
my first impression...
so beautifully decorating the sky...
i pictured it...
what a calm and peaceful place...
now it reminds me of venus...
is it as lovely as it is?
i look up at those stars again...
now...
it blurred out...
unsteadily blinking...
moving... away and deeper into the darkness of the sky...
it wasnt as calm as my first impression...
wasnt as beautiful as it should be...
my first impression was lovely...
but it was just an illusion...
my mind tricked me...
first impression...
is not reality...

as you have peace, everywhere is good

2006-03-27T22:52:00.000-08:00

it is easy enough to be pleasant
when life flows along like a song
but the man worthwhile
is the man who can smile
when life goes dead wrong...

we live and work and dream
each has his little scheme
sometimes we laugh
sometimes we cry
and thus, the days go by...

silence

2006-03-16T01:50:00.000-08:00

there is a silence where has been no sound

there is a silence where no sound may be

in the cold grave - under the deep, deep sea

or in the wide desert where no life is found...

which has been mute and still must sleep profound

no voice is hushed - no life treads silently

but clouds and cloudy shadows wander free

that never spoke, over the idle ground...

but in green ruins, in the desolated walls

of antique palaces where man has been

though the dun fox or wild hyena calls

and owls, that flid continually between

shriek to the echo and the cow winds moan -

there the true silence is,

self-consciousness and alone...

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am i all that i should be?

2005-11-15T21:51:00.000-08:00

do you ever search your heart

as you watch the day depart?

is there something way down deep inside

you try to hide?

if this day should be the end

and eternity begin

when the heart is opened wide

will he be satisfied?

is he satisfied with me

have i done my best?

have i stood the test?

is he satisfied?

would he feel the welcome here

or would he go away in tears?

am i all that i should be?

is he satisfied with me?

ten thousand different things

2005-09-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

im reading the kitchen god's wife by amy tan and this line, touched me. that in the end, i cried.

"..the saddest part when you lose someone you love - that person keeps changing. and later you wonder, 'is this the same person i lost? may be you lost more, may be less. ten thousand different things that come from your memory and imagination - and you do not know which is which, which was true, which is false.." - amy tan

my ideal job

2005-09-19T20:22:00.000-07:00

as i was browsing thru the internet, i came across this website http://jobpredictor.com and then i decided try it out and see what's my ideal job! heh!

debbie hooi chia chien - your ideal job is a housekeeper [yay!!!]

debbie hooi - your ideal job is a heavyweight boxer [what????]

debbie - your ideal job is a evil boss [oh no...]

debb - your ideal job is a ping pong ball inspector [omg! muahahha!]

NO! NO! NO! im gonna be a 1st ad one day thank you.

my dearest friends

2005-09-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

life is pretty cool

when we think it is.

sharing pleasant moments

without any worries.

laughter in the air

making it more meaningful.

no tears pouring down

sadness has no room.

jokes are always around

whether it’s funny or not

nobody bothers about it

as long as we stick together.

ups and downs

the art of this life,

still we hold our hands

making us stronger.

a smiling face

hanging on our face

with infinite meanings

hiding millions of secrets.

singing in front of public,

where people passes by,

we just don’t care

coz it’s all for us.

it’s all the truth

which we can’t deny.

that’s what we are,

true friends forever.

treasure this friendship.

cos we don’t know,

what might happen,

in the future.

im leaving

2005-09-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

it wasnt an easy decision to make... to leave all these behind, to learn new things that awaits me, to meet new ppl and understands them, to start all over again...

82 days in the countdown and i've already missed them.. 2 years, some less, but the times that we've spent together seems to be more than that! we have had our ups and downs, shouted and laughed, jokes and sharing problems, helping each other. i wonder how would it will turned out to be out there... i knew that the person that i will miss the most will be her... she thought me a lot of things, some which are not even related to what im doing but i still think that it's ok... she's became like a 'big sister' to me. the one that i would go to when im confused/have queries.. some ppl thinks that i'm like a duplication of her when she was young! it's quite fun but when i think about it again, it scares me a little...

if i'm like a duplication of her, i should be like her, or even better.. sometimes i want to be like her but we must understand that each and every individual in this system is different, and special in their own way so there's no way im gonna end up exactly like her! but i would proudly announce - if someone asks - that she is the one who thought me this, and that. im gonna make her proud of me one day, to prove to the others that they were wrong about my ability of doing things. because i know she have faith in me.

my only love sprung out of hatred

2005-08-18T17:38:00.000-07:00

may be im dying now

how i wish im not here

for the pain is so real

leaving me with tears

the road i walked was so blur

no light shining here

only darkness leading me

and im trapped with fears

my dreams are falling apart

tearing me part, by part

there's no hope in me

my faith vanished in the air

each days are still the same

my soul is crying for help

slowly... passing away

for i didn't care

someone else's

2005-08-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

remember the times when we sat under the tree?

where the birds sang on the branches?

you tried to say something,

but i didn't pay any attention..

remember the times we walked along the beach?

you looked into my eyes,

but i turned, and walked away..

remember the times where we were at the field?

the wind blew and the dust got into my eyes

you tried to get it off,

but i turned my head away..

remember the times you tried to make me understand?

but i won't listen?

tears starts running from your eyes,

but i pretend that nothing had happened..

now i realize how special you are

to me..

but it's to late

cos you belonged

to someone else.

sekali sekala

2005-08-01T20:35:00.000-07:00

sekali sekala

aku ingin jadi buta

gelap pandangan tanpa harus

menyaksikan lakonan manusia di persada dunia

sekali sekala

aku ingin jadi bisu

diam kata tanpa harus

berhujah dengan kekosongan

yang mampu mencetus darah kekosongan

dan juga sekali sekala aku ingin jadi pekak

tuli bicara tanpa harus

mendengar butir bahana kata

yang bisa meruntuh benteng

kedamaian

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silence of nights

2005-07-16T11:34:00.000-07:00

when the night falls

it's hard to turn back time

cos the minutes of nights is a race

plucking thousands of the heavenly lives

it's a blessing that is clearly hurtful

is it true that night is wicked?

is it a lust's circus

or am i the one who failed

to describe the the darkness of nightfall

between a dream and reality

love, friend and life

2005-07-15T01:33:00.000-07:00

Love,

A feeling you feel when you have a feeling you feel you havent feel before..

Friend,

A person who understands you so much, knows you deeply and always be around, whether in happy or sad situation, support you when you fall, give you strength.

Life,

A thing which you encounter whether in the past, present or future that amaze you so much where you learn to coup and you dont know when it ends. 060300

a small world

2005-04-18T04:32:00.000-07:00

a small world, which is big, full of life, desire to live... a small world, where the young used to play in it, no longer fun... a small world, love and hatred burning among us, burning inside so deeply... a small world, which is hard for us to share, with one another... a small world, love is nothing, money is everything, we forget who we are, actually... a small world, which is not easy for us to survive, when suckers are around... a small world, with no life, so dark and helpless, so cool, so quite... a small world, torn apart, no laugh, no jokes, with no meaning at all...

song without words

2005-04-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

tired - yet i cant sleep
wounded - yet i cant weep
sinful - yet i cant pray
o god hear the words i cant say
certain - yet im afraid
going - yet ive stayed
faithful - yet untrue
sorrowful - yet not sad
happy - and yet not glad
searching - yet i didnt know the way
o god cant you please teach and lead me day by day?

27 april 2000

a lot of nonsense

2005-04-16T01:23:00.000-07:00

a lot of fuss
a lot of people
a lot of time
a lot of troubles
a lot of tears
a lot of money
and all for what?
a little body!!

a blob of proteins
fast unwinding
a little corpse
quick decaying
no longer is it
dear father, mother
or any darling other
in spite of this
we might have
consolations and coffins
parties and mournings
rites and rituals
buried or burnt
processions and tombstones
embalmed forever
all for these little body
bloated bodies
sons remember
grandsons little
and after them
are the dead forgotten
stones and bones
alone remaining
so is this not
a lot of nonsense??

21 june 2000

let go

2005-04-09T01:16:00.000-07:00

it's funny sometimes that we only cherish to the fullest when things are gone.. it feels so strange when the one that you hated suddenly became the one that you love so much and it became scary when you cant even forgive yourself for what you've done to that person or even to forget about it.

to let go doesnt mean stop caring. to let go is to learn theres something beyond. to let go means accepting reality. to let go is loving more cos you only want the best.

the art of life that cycles

2005-04-06T01:12:00.000-07:00

thinking about tomorrow...what will i be?
will i be given another chance to breathe in
fresh air once again when i wakes up in the
morning?

thinking of today...makes me feel sick
for there are so many things i wanna do..
will i be able to complete my quest..
coz i dont have enough time on my side.

thinking about yesterday...
my life full with sense of guilt...
for i've made sins beyond my dreams..
nor i can turn back.