do you ever search your heart
as you watch the day depart?
is there something way down deep inside
you try to hide?
if this day should be the end
and eternity begin
when the heart is opened wide
will he be satisfied?
is he satisfied with me
have i done my best?
have i stood the test?
is he satisfied?
would he feel the welcome here
or would he go away in tears?
am i all that i should be?
is he satisfied with me?
im reading the kitchen god's wife by amy tan and this line, touched me. that in the end, i cried.
"..the saddest part when you lose someone you love - that person keeps changing. and later you wonder, 'is this the same person i lost? may be you lost more, may be less. ten thousand different things that come from your memory and imagination - and you do not know which is which, which was true, which is false.." - amy tan
as i was browsing thru the internet, i came across this website http://jobpredictor.com and then i decided try it out and see what's my ideal job! heh!
debbie hooi chia chien - your ideal job is a housekeeper [yay!!!]
debbie hooi - your ideal job is a heavyweight boxer [what????]
debbie - your ideal job is a evil boss [oh no...]
debb - your ideal job is a ping pong ball inspector [omg! muahahha!]
NO! NO! NO! im gonna be a 1st ad one day thank you.
life is pretty cool
when we think it is.
sharing pleasant moments
without any worries.
laughter in the air
making it more meaningful.
no tears pouring down
sadness has no room.
jokes are always around
whether it’s funny or not
nobody bothers about it
as long as we stick together.
ups and downs
the art of this life,
still we hold our hands
making us stronger.
a smiling face
hanging on our face
with infinite meanings
hiding millions of secrets.
singing in front of public,
where people passes by,
we just don’t care
coz it’s all for us.
it’s all the truth
which we can’t deny.
that’s what we are,
true friends forever.
treasure this friendship.
cos we don’t know,
what might happen,
in the future.
it wasnt an easy decision to make... to leave all these behind, to learn new things that awaits me, to meet new ppl and understands them, to start all over again...
82 days in the countdown and i've already missed them.. 2 years, some less, but the times that we've spent together seems to be more than that! we have had our ups and downs, shouted and laughed, jokes and sharing problems, helping each other. i wonder how would it will turned out to be out there... i knew that the person that i will miss the most will be her... she thought me a lot of things, some which are not even related to what im doing but i still think that it's ok... she's became like a 'big sister' to me. the one that i would go to when im confused/have queries.. some ppl thinks that i'm like a duplication of her when she was young! it's quite fun but when i think about it again, it scares me a little...
if i'm like a duplication of her, i should be like her, or even better.. sometimes i want to be like her but we must understand that each and every individual in this system is different, and special in their own way so there's no way im gonna end up exactly like her! but i would proudly announce - if someone asks - that she is the one who thought me this, and that. im gonna make her proud of me one day, to prove to the others that they were wrong about my ability of doing things. because i know she have faith in me.
may be im dying now
how i wish im not here
for the pain is so real
leaving me with tears
the road i walked was so blur
no light shining here
only darkness leading me
and im trapped with fears
my dreams are falling apart
tearing me part, by part
there's no hope in me
my faith vanished in the air
each days are still the same
my soul is crying for help
slowly... passing away
for i didn't care
remember the times when we sat under the tree?
where the birds sang on the branches?
you tried to say something,
but i didn't pay any attention..
remember the times we walked along the beach?
you looked into my eyes,
but i turned, and walked away..
remember the times where we were at the field?
the wind blew and the dust got into my eyes
you tried to get it off,
but i turned my head away..
remember the times you tried to make me understand?
but i won't listen?
tears starts running from your eyes,
but i pretend that nothing had happened..
now i realize how special you are
to me..
but it's to late
cos you belonged
to someone else.
sekali sekala
aku ingin jadi buta
gelap pandangan tanpa harus
menyaksikan lakonan manusia di persada dunia
sekali sekala
aku ingin jadi bisu
diam kata tanpa harus
berhujah dengan kekosongan
yang mampu mencetus darah kekosongan
dan juga sekali sekala aku ingin jadi pekak
tuli bicara tanpa harus
mendengar butir bahana kata
yang bisa meruntuh benteng
kedamaian
000316
when the night falls
it's hard to turn back time
cos the minutes of nights is a race
plucking thousands of the heavenly lives
it's a blessing that is clearly hurtful
is it true that night is wicked?
is it a lust's circus
or am i the one who failed
to describe the the darkness of nightfall
between a dream and reality
Love,
A feeling you feel when you have a feeling you feel you havent feel before..
Friend,
A person who understands you so much, knows you deeply and always be around, whether in happy or sad situation, support you when you fall, give you strength.
Life,
A thing which you encounter whether in the past, present or future that amaze you so much where you learn to coup and you dont know when it ends. 060300
a small world, which is big, full of life, desire to live... a small world, where the young used to play in it, no longer fun... a small world, love and hatred burning among us, burning inside so deeply... a small world, which is hard for us to share, with one another... a small world, love is nothing, money is everything, we forget who we are, actually... a small world, which is not easy for us to survive, when suckers are around... a small world, with no life, so dark and helpless, so cool, so quite... a small world, torn apart, no laugh, no jokes, with no meaning at all...
tired - yet i cant sleep
wounded - yet i cant weep
sinful - yet i cant pray
o god hear the words i cant say
certain - yet im afraid
going - yet ive stayed
faithful - yet untrue
sorrowful - yet not sad
happy - and yet not glad
searching - yet i didnt know the way
o god cant you please teach and lead me day by day?
27 april 2000
a lot of fuss
a lot of people
a lot of time
a lot of troubles
a lot of tears
a lot of money
and all for what?
a little body!!
a blob of proteins
fast unwinding
a little corpse
quick decaying
no longer is it
dear father, mother
or any darling other
in spite of this
we might have
consolations and coffins
parties and mournings
rites and rituals
buried or burnt
processions and tombstones
embalmed forever
all for these little body
bloated bodies
sons remember
grandsons little
and after them
are the dead forgotten
stones and bones
alone remaining
so is this not
a lot of nonsense??
21 june 2000
it's funny sometimes that we only cherish to the fullest when things are gone.. it feels so strange when the one that you hated suddenly became the one that you love so much and it became scary when you cant even forgive yourself for what you've done to that person or even to forget about it.
to let go doesnt mean stop caring. to let go is to learn theres something beyond. to let go means accepting reality. to let go is loving more cos you only want the best.
thinking about tomorrow...what will i be?
will i be given another chance to breathe in
fresh air once again when i wakes up in the
morning?
thinking of today...makes me feel sick
for there are so many things i wanna do..
will i be able to complete my quest..
coz i dont have enough time on my side.
thinking about yesterday...
my life full with sense of guilt...
for i've made sins beyond my dreams..
nor i can turn back.
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